Speak Like a Child

I'm moving to China in less than a month and I am woefully behind in learning Mandarin. Down in Alabama for orientation the other day I had the perfect opportunity to practice the few words and phrases I do know with other beginners. Naturally, I didn't practice one whit. When asked Mandarin questions that I fully understood and knew how to answer I froze like the proverbial deer in the X5000 Low Sodium Split Beam High Wattage Head Lamps. With my headphones on and Pimsleur in my ear I am pronouncing and enunciating with the best of 'em. But in actual conversation with real live humans... well, I'll be in the market for a reliable translator for the time being.

Orientation went well. I learned tons that I will have forgotten by the time of my departing flight. Most interesting were the customs that would shock and offend Americans that aren't given a second thought by the Chinese, and vice versa. Like my beloved chewing sticks (overpriced, flavored toothpicks as I describe them to the uninitiated) are a grave insult in China. One covers their mouth with their hand while working the toothpick with the other, never showing an uncovered toothpick holding mouth. Don't even think of chewing them up into a wad of saliva soaked splinters (which I guess is kinda gross in American culture too). But the point is I run through 7-10 of these a day, more if I'm nervous, which I fully expect to be the case for a while until I get settled. Also it seems romantic culture is considerably different than what I'm used to, again much to my chagrin. Hold on, I don't want to misrepresent myself, that's not why I'm going over there, my actual motivations are pure, noble even. But I figured it could be a heckuva fringe benefit. Plus I already promised my 8th graders at PJHS that I'd have several Chinese girlfriends. How can I break a promise to my first students? Actually it'll be quite easy once you learn the traditional Chinese custom. In America one dates a bunch of different people until they find someone they want to get serious with, in China one finds someone they want to get serious with and then dates them. Or so I've been told. Not to mention those looking for the green card that comes with that ring. Needless to say I will be extremely wary of female friendship.

EDIT: The hipsters in the audience may notice a trend in my post titles. Can it be a trend after only two? Well I intend to make it a trend anyway. (For the squares among you, they're song titles). Anyway the plan was to title each post after a related song and add said song to the playlist apparatus you can find over on the right side of your computer screen. Well, aforementioned playlist apparatus does not offer Speak Like a Child in its library. And I don't know how to add it from elsewhere or if that's even possible. Since I have not yet mastered writing tone of voice I'll have to come out with it; I'm not happy. Please join my foul mood and think a bad thought for the above cited playlist apparatus.